Healthdirect's advice on condoms ends with a step that is easy to skip: wrap the used condom in tissue and put it in a bin. Small, considered choices like this are what an ethical sex life is made of, alongside enthusiastic consent and real care for the people you are with.
Below, we look at how to be kind to yourself, your partners and the planet, using guidance from healthdirect and Victoria's Better Health Channel.
Quick answer: An ethical sex life is built on enthusiastic consent, safer sex and thoughtful choices about waste. In practice, seek a clear yes before and during sex, use condoms to lower the risk of STIs such as chlamydia, gonorrhoea and HIV, and wrap used condoms in tissue before putting them in the bin.
What does ethical sex actually look like?
It looks like sex where everyone wants to be there, feels safe and is treated with respect. The Better Health Channel page on women, sex and sexuality puts it simply: sexuality and sex should feel good, and no one has the right to make you feel disrespected, scared or uncomfortable. Being kind to yourself also means letting go of unrealistic expectations; the site notes that movies and pornography can create them.
How do you make enthusiastic consent part of sex?
Ask, listen and keep checking in. The Better Health Channel guide to sexual decision making says consent must be sought every time, and that anything other than a clear and enthusiastic "yes" should be treated as a "no". It also explains that:
- consent can be withdrawn at any time, and everyone must keep consenting throughout;
- someone too affected by alcohol or other drugs cannot consent;
- damaging or removing a condom without a partner knowing, sometimes called "stealthing", means consent is not present;
- affirmative consent laws mean people must take steps to seek consent, and age of consent laws vary between states.
Read more in our guide to consent.
What does safer sex involve?
Mostly, using condoms correctly and knowing their limits. The healthdirect page on condoms says that with correct use, about 2 in 100 people relying on male condoms, and 5 in 100 relying on female condoms, will have an unplanned pregnancy. With incorrect use or breakage, about 2 in 10 females become pregnant. Condoms protect against chlamydia, gonorrhoea and HIV, but not against herpes, genital warts, mpox or syphilis. Healthdirect's tips:
- use a new condom every time you have sex;
- never use a male and a female condom together;
- water-based lubricant is fine with condoms;
- with latex condoms, steer clear of oil-based products such as petroleum jelly or massage oil, which make breakage more likely.
How can your sex life tread more lightly on the planet?
Think about what ends up in the bin, and what could be reused. Healthdirect's instruction to wrap condoms and bin them is the starting point. Elsewhere in your bathroom, switching a single-use product for a reusable one is a straightforward change; a period cup is one example, and a Lunette cup lasts up to 10 years with proper care.
Where to get help
- Family Planning Australia Talkline: 1800 658 886, for advice on STI testing and emergency contraception.
- healthdirect: 1800 022 222, to speak with a registered nurse 24/7.
- Sexual health clinics, pharmacies and supermarkets sell or supply male condoms; female condoms are available from pharmacies, online stores and some women's health clinics.
- 1800RESPECT: 1800 737 732, for anyone affected by sexual assault, domestic or family violence.
- Triple zero (000) for urgent medical help.
Frequently asked questions
Do condoms protect against every STI?
No. Healthdirect says condoms protect against chlamydia, gonorrhoea and HIV, but they do not protect against herpes, genital warts, mpox or syphilis. That is why safer sex also involves talking honestly with partners and getting advice on STI testing, which the Family Planning Australia Talkline (1800 658 886) can help with.
Can I use an internal and external condom together for extra protection?
No. Healthdirect specifically advises against using a male and a female condom at the same time. Choose one type and use it correctly. Male condoms are rolled onto an erect penis or sex toy, while female condoms are inserted into the vagina before sex. Either way, use a new one every time.
What lube works with latex condoms?
Water-based lubricant is the one to use. Healthdirect explains that oil-based lubricants, including petroleum jelly and massage oil, make latex condoms more likely to break. If you are not sure what your lube is made of, check the label before you use it, because oil-based products raise the chance of a latex condom breaking.
What is stealthing?
Stealthing means damaging or removing a condom without the other person knowing. Better Health Channel lists it as a situation where consent is not present, even if the person agreed to sex with a condom. If it has happened to you, 1800RESPECT (1800 737 732) offers support 24 hours a day.
Reusable swaps can reach your period routine as well. The Lunette period cup is a menstrual cup made from 100% medical-grade silicone that lasts up to 10 years with proper care; the period cup cleaning guide covers everyday care.
This article provides general information and is not a substitute for advice from your GP, pharmacist or a sexual health clinic.
