Healthdirect Australia states that it is common for females to have difficulty reaching orgasm. Jean Hailes for Women's Health adds a detail that explains a lot: most women need clitoral stimulation to have an orgasm.
So if female orgasms have ever seemed confusing, you're in good company. Here's what Australian women's health sources say about how orgasm works, why it can be elusive and where to get support.
Quick answer: An orgasm, or climax, is the peak of sexual excitement, when feel-good chemicals called endorphins are released, according to Jean Hailes. Most women need clitoral stimulation to get there. Not everyone has an orgasm every time, some orgasms are very subtle, and healthdirect says difficulty reaching orgasm is common.
What happens in your body when you orgasm?
It starts with arousal. The Jean Hailes guide to sex and sexual health describes arousal as your physical response to sex or sexual thoughts: the labia, clitoris and upper vagina swell, and vaginal lubrication increases to help the body get ready for sex.
Orgasm is the peak of that excitement, when endorphins are released. Afterwards, some people notice increased clitoral sensitivity, Jean Hailes says.
How does a female orgasm feel?
It can be strong or barely noticeable. Jean Hailes says some people experience very subtle orgasms or find it hard to orgasm, yet can still enjoy the intimate experience. It also stresses that not everyone has an orgasm each time they have sex, and healthdirect notes that some changes in orgasm are normal with ageing.
Why is the clitoris so important?
Jean Hailes calls the clitoris the most sensitive part of your body and says its sole purpose is to provide pleasure. Its guide to enjoying your sex life explains that touching the clitoris can make you feel sexually aroused, and that understanding your body and its pleasure centres can help you enjoy sexual pleasure.
Masturbation is one way to learn. Jean Hailes says it is normal at any age, that people do it anywhere from a few times a day to a few times a month, and that it's also okay not to. Knowing what feels good means you can tell a partner.
What is female orgasmic disorder?
It's the medical name for ongoing difficulty with orgasm, also called anorgasmia. Healthdirect says it is diagnosed when orgasm difficulties happen in most sexual experiences, continue for at least 6 months, and cause distress or affect your mental health and wellbeing. It can be lifelong, begin later, or happen only in certain situations.
Causes are often a mix. Healthdirect lists stress, relationship problems, difficulty talking about your sexual needs, a history of unwanted sexual contact, anxiety or depression, hormone changes after childbirth or around menopause, some medicines such as antidepressants, thyroid problems, and alcohol or drug use.
When to see a doctor
Healthdirect suggests seeing a doctor if difficulty reaching orgasm:
- continues over time;
- is causing distress or affecting your mental health and wellbeing;
- is affecting your relationship.
The right treatment depends on what's behind the difficulty. Options include adjusting or switching a medicine, cognitive behaviour therapy, mindfulness, guided self-stimulation exercises and sensate focus therapy, which uses structured exercises to build physical and emotional closeness. Psychologists, relationship counsellors and sex therapists (sexologists) can also help.
Frequently asked questions
Is it normal not to orgasm every time?
Yes. Jean Hailes notes that not everyone has an orgasm each time they have sex, and that some people have very subtle orgasms yet still enjoy intimacy. Healthdirect adds that difficulty reaching orgasm is common in females, and that some changes in orgasm are a normal part of getting older.
Can menopause change orgasms?
It can. Healthdirect lists hormone changes, including those around menopause and after childbirth, among the possible causes of difficulty reaching orgasm. For postmenopausal people, testosterone treatment may help, it says, although there is not enough evidence to recommend it for younger females. A doctor can talk you through the options.
What self-care steps can help?
Healthdirect suggests learning about sexual health and how your body responds, talking openly with your partner about your needs, managing stress and making time to rest, and dealing with relationship conflict early. It also recommends getting treatment for vaginal dryness, infection or discomfort, and creating a private, calm space for intimacy.
Where can I get support in Australia?
The healthdirect helpline on 1800 022 222 has registered nurses available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, and for urgent help you should call triple zero (000). If you have experienced sexual assault or violence, or feel unsafe in a relationship, Jean Hailes points to 1800RESPECT on 1800 737 732.
Getting to know your body pays off at period time, too. Lunette suggests Size 1 of the Lunette period cup for a low cervix, a light to medium flow or teens, and Size 2 for a heavier flow or higher cervix; the period cup size guide explains how to choose your menstrual cup.
This article offers general information, not medical advice. Please see your GP or a sexual health professional about any personal concerns.
